My Experience

I was diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer, specifically, ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). My doctor scheduled me for a bilateral mastectomy.

A friend, knowing how upset I was, suggested trying some relaxation tools – a CD and book — part of a program on preparing for surgery. I was willing to do anything to speed recovery: I did not want to miss my son’s “Kindergarten Follies”— the crowning achievement of his first year of school, just four short days after my surgery. I did meditation/guided imagery upon waking, and then right before bed every night.

On the morning of surgery, we had to be at the hospital by 6:15 am. As we set out for the highway, my husband decided we needed to stop for gas. My anxiety rose, but I began my relaxation visualization and I immediately felt better. This was a good first test for the day.

I was anxious when we pulled up to the hospital. In the presurgery area, I changed into a gown. I was given an IV, and the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me. My surgeon also came by. I practiced my meditation/visualization as I was wheeled into surgery.

I don’t remember much about the surgery. But waking up, I felt no nausea, and after awhile I ate a hollowed-out lemon filled with fresh lemon ice. I went home the day after surgery. And I was at my son’s kindergarten show four days after surgery.

I later developed an infection that postponed reconstruction. I was terribly disappointed, but the relaxation routine kept me focused on my goal – looking better than ever before. I visualized the infection receding and over the next several weeks, the redness in my breast area gradually melted away.

I was sad to lose my breasts. They saw me through adolescence (I sprouted early), pregnancy and motherhood. I wasn’t able to breast-feed for long, but my all-time favorite photo is of me sharing my huge, milk-filled breast with this tiny new person I barely knew and wasn’t even sure I loved yet.

I’ve kept a new feeling of calm and peace these weeks of recovery. I’m walking a mile a day, hoping to be jogging again soon. I’m going to the playground with my son and shooting down slides with him. I’m making dinner. What I’ve learned is that life is precious and to be lived in the moment.