My Experience

I have had a life-long heart murmur and was born with an enlarged heart. In the past year or so, my symptoms of shortness of breath, arrhythmia, dizziness, chest pain, and fainting got progressively worse. In addition, since my heart was so inflamed, I had trouble eating and drinking. I felt so sick that I was unable to climb one flight of stairs.

When I first visited my primary care physician, I was feeling very ill almost all over my body, and not quite sure what was wrong with me. After having a few medical examinations, she referred me to the cardiology department at the hospital to get an evaluation (EKG, echocardiogram, etc). The test results were returned to my primary care physician and she told me that I had a severe aortic regurgitation with symptomatic congestive heart failure. She told me that in order to get better, I must have heart surgery.

I was in complete shock. However, at the same time, it was a relief to know what was wrong with me. Still, I was not completely ready to hear this; I have always followed a life style of holistic and natural healing. I started this path about 25 years ago, when I almost died due to an allergic reaction to medications I took. Since that time, I had never taken any medications, not even vitamins or supplements.

I had a “black and white” approach when it comes to the allopathic medicine vs. holistic medicine. I really could not see that they can co-exist, and I felt that it had to be one or the other. Originally, I wanted to heal naturally, but my family and friends urged that while exploring the natural healing, meditation, and healthy lifestyle to improve health, I should also pursue allopathic medicine. But, at certain point, it occurred to me that the mechanical valve failure might be a problem that surgery could readily fix. This was the first time in my life that I realized that I needed the help of Western medicine for my condition. When I started to pursue the idea of surgery, I knew that I should contact my friend, Peggy Huddleston. I knew about her work for a very long time and I wanted to use her program for my own healing process and preparing for the surgery. I finally decided to have the surgery – minimally invasive surgery to replace my valve.

Preparing for surgery
I received some spiritual counseling and followed a meditation and visualization program to reduce stress and focus on healing (Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster Program by Peggy Huddleston). Although I knew about her book and relaxation CD for a long time and recommended them to my friends and family who needed to have surgery, only through my personal experience did I know how much they helped me through this challenge in my life. I rested as much as I could; I listened to Peggy Huddleston’s Relaxation CD and visualized my healing process. I organized a support group of family and friends. The medical team that would be performing the surgery was familiar with and supportive of the stress reduction program I was using. In advance, I asked my anesthesiologist to say during surgery my healing statements prepared from Peggy Huddleston’s book. I was able to stay very calm during my surgery preparation.

I was very fortunate to have the direct support of Peggy Huddleston from the beginning of my surgery process all the way through recovery. My family and friends helped me manage the medical appointments and paper work, errands, and cooking meals, so I could focus on my health. Almost daily, I took vitamins, homeopathy, flower essence and herbal supplements. I received healing touch (therapeutic touch), jorei energy healing, acupuncture and moxibustion. My daughter is an acupuncturist. The morning of the surgery, my family surrounded me with the “blanket of love” recommended by Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster.

Facing such a big surgery ahead of me, I continued to listen to Peggy’s relaxation CD much of the day. My visualization process became so real, that at one point, I thought I already received the surgery and it was successful! I had a dream of going through the surgery itself. Day by day, I began to be able to see the comedy of my situation and at some point; laughter came back into my life, which I completely lacked for a while due to my sufferings. By being able to laugh so much, I felt that it helped me to stay positive and that my health also improved. This is not to say that I did not have moments of fear. When I attended the cardiac class at the hospital to prepare for the upcoming surgery, details of the surgery were explained and what I should expect when I get to the ICU after the surgery. Small details such as having my hands tied by my side in the ICU when I first wake up from the anesthesia really frightened me. I knew this was to protect me, because people instinctually may try to pull out the tubes when they first come out of the anesthesia.

This meeting and my extreme fear made me realize that there must be a deep issue from my childhood, a trauma of being tied down and feeling that I cannot breath or move. Because I was overwhelmed by this fear, I called Peggy and arranged a private session with her. She helped me process this fear. She helped me to breath, and visualize that having my arms tied down in the ICU was actually a form of love. It is the love to protect me from harming myself. It is a way a higher power is holding my hands through this process. Through this development, I realized that some of the big fears in my life were triggered from my childhood experiences of having my left hand tied down; I grew up in a country where children who wrote with their left hand had it tied down so they could not use it.

During the session, I was able to release and forgive what had happened to me as a child and also feel gratitude and love about the upcoming surgery. After having released this, I was able to wear a bracelet on my left wrist for the first time since early childhood. Peggy’s relaxation CD, her voice, the heart beat sound and the relaxation sound became a core part of my experience throughout my preparation. It really became ingrained in me and I was able to stay very calm during my surgery preparation.

But the night before the surgery I became afraid again. That evening my son, daughter and sister arrived from different parts of the country and it was quite hectic in the house. Some of my family was very worried about me. I could feel their worry. I did not have as much time to meditate and relax. Because I was overwhelmed, I began thinking that I could potentially die the next day if anything were to go wrong during the surgery. I broke down and cried.

My daughter called Peggy and she suggested that all the family members surround me in a circle and send me energy of love and protection. It made me feel so safe and loved. The morning of the surgery before we left for he hospital, my family put me in the middle of a circle and visualized me surrounded in a comfortable warm blanket of love. I felt calm and relaxed.

With this calm state of mind, my family and I headed for the hospital at 5:30 a.m. to register for the surgery. As per instructions, I did not drink or eat anything. Once I got to the hospital, I awaited at the registration office to receive my medical bracelet.

I was transferred to the cardiovascular diagnostic intervention center at 6:40 a.m. and waited in the room for my turn to get a cardiac catheterization exam. At 8:00 a.m., I was called in to prep for the exam. My family was allowed to come into the cath prep room, two people at a time. At 8:35a.m., a doctor performed my cardiac catheterization. The exam was sent to my surgeon so that he could design my surgery. I continued to listen to my relaxation CD during the exam and afterwards; it helped me to feel calm.

At about 11:15 a.m., I was moved from the cardiac catheterization recovery room to
the pre-op room, and my family came with me while I was transferred. I was alone in the pre-op room when my surgeon came in and told me that the cardiac catheterization exam showed that I had coronary artery disease and that I would have to have double bypass surgery. This meant that I could not have minimally invasive surgery, but instead needed to have traditional open-heart surgery. When I was told this information, I was slightly slow to react because I had medication in the morning from the cardiac catheterization exam. I did not know what this meant at the time and I was confused. When my family came in with their caps and gowns to visit me in the pre-op room, I asked them what was happening to me. They tried to explain to me but I still did not understand what they told me.

After this point, I had no recollection of my family leaving the pre-op room or being wheeled into the operating room. My family told me that my surgery began at 1:47 p.m., and that surgeon came out at 5:55 p.m. to the family waiting room to tell them that my surgery was a success, the aortic valve was replaced and bypass surgery was performed. Additionally, because my aorta was clogged and inflamed, he had fixed that prior to the valve replacement and the bypass surgery. My family told me that I was brought into the ICU around 6 p.m. and an hour later my family was allowed to visit me. At this point, I have a flash of memory of being surrounded by my family, and I heard my sister saying, “You did very well!”

The first few nights, I don’t have much recollection of my bodily function, but long after the discharge, I was told by my family that I had a condition called “ICU delirium” where I was disoriented, confused, and paranoid. In the ICU I felt like I was able to hear the thoughts of the doctors and nurses. I felt extremely paranoid and scared that they were trying to harm me. In my head, I planned an escape from the hospital. After a while, it occurred to me that my experience might be similar to what people talked about having a “bad trip” when taking drugs. Although part of me had this consciousness and understanding, I was still in the middle of it, and I tried to focus more on listening to a relaxation CD and also receiving energy healing from my friends and family.

After spending four nights at the hospital, I was discharged from the hospital. Although I was slightly scared to leave the hospital, I was so glad to be away from all the beeping noises of the hospital room, and I was looking forward to a peaceful sleep at night.

I slept very well the first night at home. Within a week, because the pain was tolerable, I stopped taking all pain medication.

The home-visit nurse came every other day for the first two weeks. I had my first cardiology appointment during the second week I was home. My doctor was very happy that my surgery was a success and he was very pleased with the healing of my incision and my overall physical condition. He wanted me to take low doses of certain heart medications to give my heart a rest to heal, so my blood pressure and heart rate were controlled with medication. I also took medication to lower cholesterol. I was tired for about a month after the surgery, so I took several hours of naps every day and slept well at night. Throughout my recovery process, I felt my family and friends’ prayers; I felt very protected. Every day I continued to visualize my healing process.

Since this was my first time in 25 years to be on medication, I did not quickly recognize some side effects. I continued to feel confused and disoriented and began to feel quite depressed. I also developed a pretty severe cough to the point that I was unable to sleep. I had a consultation with a naturopathic physician. With his help, I began taking certain supplements and gradually got off certain medications. Pretty much within one week, my depression and confusion cleared and I felt much better. Also, I began to experience arrhythmia again; I was put on an increased dosage of magnesium taurate and this condition resolved within a few days.

About two months after the surgery, I met with my cardiac surgeon. He looked at my incision, and he asked me, “What have you done?” He was surprised how much and how soon my incision had healed. I was surprised that this amazed him, as I know he sees many patients daily. I had no way of comparing my healing process since I did not know anyone else close to me who had this procedure, but I was so happy to know that he thought it was quite amazing.

Around this time, I realized for the first time in my life what it feels like to have a strong heart beat. I am still going through my recovery period. I have been going to cardiac rehabilitation to strengthen myself. I truly feel that I have been given a second chance to live, and I am grateful.